emotions.

my emotions are everywhere.
i dont understand it.

im SO HAPPY, but im SO SAD.
everytime i just want to break down and cry, my mind or my heart reminds me to be positive and be happy.
it reminds me i shouldnt waste my time on being down, because it gets me no where.
it doesnt satisfy me, just reminds me over the negatives i dont want.

i dont get life.
i dont get friends, i feel like i have none.
but i have the best friends in the world, but yet i am friends with like everyone.
but then again i feel like i have none.
none i can call my true friends, none i can call best friends, none that is the kind of friend i WANT guess.
none that meet up to 'my dream friend'.
they are all different, everyone is different.

i have too many dreams.

i just have so many issues i cant get out of my head.
my dad, my family, my friends, school and grades, my future, and love.

i just cant handle all of this, i want to be happy.
and thats all i am ever going to be, even if it comes to the worse.
and when it comes to the worse i like to be alone.
with no one around, i hate people seeing me at me worst.
and thats why i feel like i have no friends again..because i am uncomfortable for them seeing me at my worst.

honestly, what can they do?
they cant do anything. i can only do it myself, i can only comfort myself, I can only make myself happy again.
They can make me happy again but not happy mentally to keep moving forward to the next day.
not happy enough to keep me alive.
i have to do that myself.

"here i am, and i stand so tall, just the way i am supposed to be."
lately, i have been listening to "gravity" nonstop.
its my song. my song that explains my feelings.
"your keeping me down"
i think its true. it reminds me of so much, it helps me cope.
it helps me, it calms me, it makes me happy, makes me sad, it makes me feel everything i want to feel.
it brings me happiness, it brings the feelings i dont want to feel but yet it cures the feelings.




















sometimes i just want to runaway, actually i always want to runaway.
somewhere else where everything is different. a different place.
someplace where i belong....here, i feel like i dont belong.
& im done, i dont enjoy this feeling.
i just want to go away.