my song.

"Something always brings me back to you.It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

[CHORUS:]Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down. "

-SARA BAREILLES


i have too many dreams,
i have too many wishes,
but the things i want most help me go on with my day.

emotions.

my emotions are everywhere.
i dont understand it.

im SO HAPPY, but im SO SAD.
everytime i just want to break down and cry, my mind or my heart reminds me to be positive and be happy.
it reminds me i shouldnt waste my time on being down, because it gets me no where.
it doesnt satisfy me, just reminds me over the negatives i dont want.

i dont get life.
i dont get friends, i feel like i have none.
but i have the best friends in the world, but yet i am friends with like everyone.
but then again i feel like i have none.
none i can call my true friends, none i can call best friends, none that is the kind of friend i WANT guess.
none that meet up to 'my dream friend'.
they are all different, everyone is different.

i have too many dreams.

i just have so many issues i cant get out of my head.
my dad, my family, my friends, school and grades, my future, and love.

i just cant handle all of this, i want to be happy.
and thats all i am ever going to be, even if it comes to the worse.
and when it comes to the worse i like to be alone.
with no one around, i hate people seeing me at me worst.
and thats why i feel like i have no friends again..because i am uncomfortable for them seeing me at my worst.

honestly, what can they do?
they cant do anything. i can only do it myself, i can only comfort myself, I can only make myself happy again.
They can make me happy again but not happy mentally to keep moving forward to the next day.
not happy enough to keep me alive.
i have to do that myself.

"here i am, and i stand so tall, just the way i am supposed to be."
lately, i have been listening to "gravity" nonstop.
its my song. my song that explains my feelings.
"your keeping me down"
i think its true. it reminds me of so much, it helps me cope.
it helps me, it calms me, it makes me happy, makes me sad, it makes me feel everything i want to feel.
it brings me happiness, it brings the feelings i dont want to feel but yet it cures the feelings.




















sometimes i just want to runaway, actually i always want to runaway.
somewhere else where everything is different. a different place.
someplace where i belong....here, i feel like i dont belong.
& im done, i dont enjoy this feeling.
i just want to go away.

change for the present from the past.

i havent changed for the better.
ive changed for the worse.

i cant believe what ive done to myself?
to make myself unhappy, to make myself not understandable and to make myself for me.

i feel. i feel myself locked up, screaming wanting to come out.
but i wouldnt let myself out because i wanted to have friends.
but friends where they didnt make fun of me.
for how i look, for how i smile, for how i looked like a kid.

people liked me for who i am.
idk why and how i just changed. i let them get to me.

i shouldnt have, its their way of loving me.
why didnt i realize and see. how did i not see.

im just so happy i know, im just so happy i can come back and be myself.
im DONE with that depression.

i dont want to change for i thought to make myself a better person, a 'grown up' person.
but anything this change has brought the worse in me, and i was blind to see.

im so glad i can come out. & just be me.
like im willing to give up the change me for the old me.

its just something i need to let go...it hasnt brought good to me or others.

its so weird how the things people kept a secret and just say it and be blunt you learn more about life and the different views of the world.
im just so happy i can be myself again!

instead of not caring..i want to care(:
life is an amzing gift if you open it all the way.

i want change.

i want change in my life. i hate the old, but i love the past.
the past brought me who i am today, but i want change.
i want change to become my past and be the present now.

i love change.
its new adventures, and i love adventures.
trying something new is being something new to me and i love new things.
i want change, i want new change.

im trying to find new friends and new things to get invovled with.
i love all my friends now and what im invovled in now, but its old.
old isnt new. old isnt a new adventure.
once your old pair of shoes are worn out dont you want new ones?

its just like shoes for me, but i still keep all my shoes no matter what.
even if they dont fit anymore, just like my friends.
ill always have my friends even if we dont talk anymore.
i will ALWAYS be there for them, even if they havent been there for me.
i still have a heart i still am human i stil have feelings.
& so do they.

but change is good. it brings life into place.
and my life is on the go to find change to settle down right.

less is more.

caring less, but really caring more is hard to hide.
i dont what to really feel or show because i dont want the one with the broken heart in the end.
id rather care less than the other person in the relationship to protect myself.

so if that means one word text instead of one page text....i will do, just protect myself for the aching pain of heartbreak.

always has. always will.

No one gets me. no one understands me, but myself.
i try to open up myself and be myself around people i trust, but they dont get ME.
they love me, but yet they dont. well at least in my eyes they dont.

when im sad and heartbroken i just want to lay around and watch cute love movies,
but no.
"this movie is gay"
.....uhm "ya it is!" i really dont this it is, its only the beginning didnt even give the movie a chance to explain the story.

ya.

i wish people knew or comprehend my feelings. i guess its just me.
always has been. always will.
ive tried enough. there is no one.

If people dont like it then oh well...find someone new. dont be around me. fuck me.
ill find new people, people who sorta understand me.
Im me and thats all im ever going to be and guess what this year 2010 im standing up for ME.

2010 im standing up the who i am, the real me. hate it or love it, ITS ONLY ME. always has always will.

the quote.

God doesn't give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to love you, to leave you. To make you into the person you were meant to be.