i miss you.
:*(
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
hi wonders.
love is non exist to me.i wasnt in love, that was a joke.i just wanted to feel loved. nope.
because she doesnt see the love anymore..its really gone.but i dont know if its cause he is gone and she cant see it anymore but i feel it?i think.
it wasnt love.love is nonexist to me.i KNOW it wasnt love...i just know it was something that was special.im not going to lie, he was something special.but not special enough for love, he meant alot, but not meaning enough for love.he has someone else, and i have someone else for me.
someday i will meet him, but its not now.and i need to wait and be patient which is fine and i will be happy and i will make the most of it.
im happy now, and i can do it.of course itll hurt, its loosing something special.
like my dad..i love him, but i moved and lost him.but i still love him, and i love val too.but i am definately not in love with him.ive realized that its not! & its going to be way easier for me to walk away now to be sure and aware im not in love.soon, i will be in love and i will be extremely happy.
& i know IT IS love. ive been mistaken for love but i just cared about that person too much.infatuion it could of been. but ill just leave it alone and let everything fall into the place in the future.
just hopefuly i wont be a 40 year old virgin, not living my dream life.now thats depressing.
i just cant wait to feel the real existence of love and found out what i have never had.& im glad i realized what i have is officailly gone and i need to stop bringing it up back from the past.
p.s. i remember that night i went camping your the only one i wanted.you called me late at night cause i needed to pee and you were living with tonie.i remmeber that night like it was yeaterday. thats why i thought it was love.
-------------------kyle. your so hard to read. we had the best friendship.weirdly if i think about it, we had aalot of memories.and weirdly i remember more of our memories than any other person.even the person i thought i loved, (what a joke) but the person i cared about alot.
how we would watch shows together, walk together, you being my brother, and us just being us.you cared so much about me, you have even said it.i still have it. i wouldnt want to delete that way you feel about me.its not often said, so if you can only hear it once than might as well keep like you will hear it never.everytime i see you i try not to pretend you exist but your always on the corner of my eye in first period always on the tip of my toungue.always one of the main prioerties thoughts in my head.you were like my bestfriend, you were my bestfriend.we had a bond, a close bond.i hate that its lost.will it ever be found? to me it seems like you tihnk our friendship is dead already buried in the ground.but to me our friendship is in a coma, still breathing, just sleeping figuring out a way to wake up.my heart it beating fast from our friendship we had, my small grin wont go away.i can hear my heartbeat out of my ears, and my ears drums keep beating to the sound of my heart.my face is heating up, if i was white id be beet red.i feel so hott thinking about you because im so angry i can miss someone like you.i should be thinking of all the nagatives you put me through, always putting me down in the dirt making me feel worthless.thats what i do with everyone to push out of my life.but i cant remember the neagtives, maybe thats why i remember our memories so much becuase i dont think of your neagtives.but thats all you show towards poeple, is your negative side.i think the reason why i miss you the most cause you finally opened up to me, and talked to me about deep thoughts, your deep thinking.& you have to figure out how to open and i found the key to open you. your like the biggest door of my decsion making.your the middle door, which is the biggest door and then the other doors right beside you is val and the next one is living without you,& not caring about you.i lost the key to open you. so i have to pick the other two.i threw away the key to vals door because it took me nowhere, and the only choice is to live without you.you wont help me find the key to open you, and i have been looking too many times by myself.so im in the door in living without you and im waiting for you to open my door again.so we can bring back our past friendship, even though people say we will have our freindship again.i feel like its impossible. you make it impossible for me to believe it can happen.ya, you purposely give me HOPE to think we can be friends but i KNOW we wont.i know your doing that in purpose, but i dont want to beleive your doing it on purpose cause i actaully want there to be HOPE.
from thinking about all the memories we had. i loved our memories, i actually still do.but i hate that you dont care or probably remember anything of us.i hate to know that you know i still care still want you, miss you.miss our friendship. miss everything we had..the good the bad the ugly the pretty.
--------i feel like people have taking my happiness.something im good at has been takin away from.my heart has lost its path.
i know people can be in love with my happiness, but it sucks.cause its my happiness..it makes me feel good.& i know they feel the way i feel but it just sucks.i have to share something i can finally call my own.cause i love to share my things, but this was or is something that was mine.just mine.writing. it feels so good just to express myself with the words of my thoughts.it express myself through how i feel and the emotions inside of me and caught and stuck inside mebut the only way to release my emotions is the feeling of my thoughts being express in words only i will know whati am talking about.words where people wouldnt understand cause only i know.but know that i feel that people know the words i am being expressed by taking how i express it.i lost it.writing feels good, but it doesnt feel as good knowing its not my own.i just know i will ALWAYS have writing, and these people are only going to think of writing as a one time thing. never me. i always have it, writing is in me. but when their writing is better than mine, makes me feel like writing is not my thing because someone elseis good at it.like i said, my happiness is gone.i feel like the happy sun that brightens up my day dies because of the fires of sadness taking over the sun into a midnightdark road without anywhere to go.im lost without writing and i shouldnt care that people found the same happiness.i should be happy people can feel the same happiness in writing.
because she doesnt see the love anymore..its really gone.but i dont know if its cause he is gone and she cant see it anymore but i feel it?i think.
it wasnt love.love is nonexist to me.i KNOW it wasnt love...i just know it was something that was special.im not going to lie, he was something special.but not special enough for love, he meant alot, but not meaning enough for love.he has someone else, and i have someone else for me.
someday i will meet him, but its not now.and i need to wait and be patient which is fine and i will be happy and i will make the most of it.
im happy now, and i can do it.of course itll hurt, its loosing something special.
like my dad..i love him, but i moved and lost him.but i still love him, and i love val too.but i am definately not in love with him.ive realized that its not! & its going to be way easier for me to walk away now to be sure and aware im not in love.soon, i will be in love and i will be extremely happy.
& i know IT IS love. ive been mistaken for love but i just cared about that person too much.infatuion it could of been. but ill just leave it alone and let everything fall into the place in the future.
just hopefuly i wont be a 40 year old virgin, not living my dream life.now thats depressing.
i just cant wait to feel the real existence of love and found out what i have never had.& im glad i realized what i have is officailly gone and i need to stop bringing it up back from the past.
p.s. i remember that night i went camping your the only one i wanted.you called me late at night cause i needed to pee and you were living with tonie.i remmeber that night like it was yeaterday. thats why i thought it was love.
-------------------kyle. your so hard to read. we had the best friendship.weirdly if i think about it, we had aalot of memories.and weirdly i remember more of our memories than any other person.even the person i thought i loved, (what a joke) but the person i cared about alot.
how we would watch shows together, walk together, you being my brother, and us just being us.you cared so much about me, you have even said it.i still have it. i wouldnt want to delete that way you feel about me.its not often said, so if you can only hear it once than might as well keep like you will hear it never.everytime i see you i try not to pretend you exist but your always on the corner of my eye in first period always on the tip of my toungue.always one of the main prioerties thoughts in my head.you were like my bestfriend, you were my bestfriend.we had a bond, a close bond.i hate that its lost.will it ever be found? to me it seems like you tihnk our friendship is dead already buried in the ground.but to me our friendship is in a coma, still breathing, just sleeping figuring out a way to wake up.my heart it beating fast from our friendship we had, my small grin wont go away.i can hear my heartbeat out of my ears, and my ears drums keep beating to the sound of my heart.my face is heating up, if i was white id be beet red.i feel so hott thinking about you because im so angry i can miss someone like you.i should be thinking of all the nagatives you put me through, always putting me down in the dirt making me feel worthless.thats what i do with everyone to push out of my life.but i cant remember the neagtives, maybe thats why i remember our memories so much becuase i dont think of your neagtives.but thats all you show towards poeple, is your negative side.i think the reason why i miss you the most cause you finally opened up to me, and talked to me about deep thoughts, your deep thinking.& you have to figure out how to open and i found the key to open you. your like the biggest door of my decsion making.your the middle door, which is the biggest door and then the other doors right beside you is val and the next one is living without you,& not caring about you.i lost the key to open you. so i have to pick the other two.i threw away the key to vals door because it took me nowhere, and the only choice is to live without you.you wont help me find the key to open you, and i have been looking too many times by myself.so im in the door in living without you and im waiting for you to open my door again.so we can bring back our past friendship, even though people say we will have our freindship again.i feel like its impossible. you make it impossible for me to believe it can happen.ya, you purposely give me HOPE to think we can be friends but i KNOW we wont.i know your doing that in purpose, but i dont want to beleive your doing it on purpose cause i actaully want there to be HOPE.
from thinking about all the memories we had. i loved our memories, i actually still do.but i hate that you dont care or probably remember anything of us.i hate to know that you know i still care still want you, miss you.miss our friendship. miss everything we had..the good the bad the ugly the pretty.
--------i feel like people have taking my happiness.something im good at has been takin away from.my heart has lost its path.
i know people can be in love with my happiness, but it sucks.cause its my happiness..it makes me feel good.& i know they feel the way i feel but it just sucks.i have to share something i can finally call my own.cause i love to share my things, but this was or is something that was mine.just mine.writing. it feels so good just to express myself with the words of my thoughts.it express myself through how i feel and the emotions inside of me and caught and stuck inside mebut the only way to release my emotions is the feeling of my thoughts being express in words only i will know whati am talking about.words where people wouldnt understand cause only i know.but know that i feel that people know the words i am being expressed by taking how i express it.i lost it.writing feels good, but it doesnt feel as good knowing its not my own.i just know i will ALWAYS have writing, and these people are only going to think of writing as a one time thing. never me. i always have it, writing is in me. but when their writing is better than mine, makes me feel like writing is not my thing because someone elseis good at it.like i said, my happiness is gone.i feel like the happy sun that brightens up my day dies because of the fires of sadness taking over the sun into a midnightdark road without anywhere to go.im lost without writing and i shouldnt care that people found the same happiness.i should be happy people can feel the same happiness in writing.
Monday, March 1, 2010
blah blah blah
why does it feel like i always talk to myself?
this why i always think people are ignorant and insensitive.
thank you building tolerance!
you have made me realized alot about people.
sadly.
this why i always think people are ignorant and insensitive.
thank you building tolerance!
you have made me realized alot about people.
sadly.
*
yesterday you made it hard.
it took you a month to talk to me.
& now you want me to talk back after all you have done?
what am i supposed to do or say..
of course i want to keep giving you chances but itll leave me no where just on the road of hurt and heartbreak.
gives you the thoguht you can have me whenever you want,
thats not what im going to do. cause you cant.
you make me so weak but yet so strong.
strong enough to let go.
it took you a month to talk to me.
& now you want me to talk back after all you have done?
what am i supposed to do or say..
of course i want to keep giving you chances but itll leave me no where just on the road of hurt and heartbreak.
gives you the thoguht you can have me whenever you want,
thats not what im going to do. cause you cant.
you make me so weak but yet so strong.
strong enough to let go.
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