The new year is coming around and I still have no love to be found.
2009,2010,2011, now 2012...............I'm speechless.

It is quite sad how I have no one to talk to about love but my blog.
I just want someone to listen, to care what they Are listening about.
Or act like they care.

One day.
Like I always say.

Confession

YES. I am emotionally damaged, but yet I still believe in true love.
I tell myself 'one day' It will be just like the movies.
Of course I deny love all the time because ... Well I am emotionally damaged.
Haha I don't really know the reason, but that's the genereal idea of why my reason is.
I want love so bad it makes want to cry. I hate waiting I just want it too happen.
I see a boy I think is cute I just want him to be the one.
But it's not like that. He has to be my friend first, bestfriend.
That's easy all my guys are friends.
I want someone I can call anytime, or send just call to tell them something the moment it happens because they are the first person I want to tell.
Yup; I admit I am a hopeless romantic. I want it to be just like the movies.
Something is wrong with me, but all I can do is be happy with my life now.
And be even happier when my life becomes a movie, if that will ever happen.
You see, I'm always second best. I make myself second best. I do this to myself.
That's my fault and I know it's wrong, but that's how I learn, the hard way.
I set myself up for heartbreak when that's the thing I try to avoid but yet I know how to get thru the cracks.
I'm something aren't I?
Who wants to deal with this? I expect so much but want so little.
The feeling of love.
Corny..yes.

There is more to life than love.

Today, I was talking to a guy. A rare guy I'd never thought I would run to and had the conversation I had today.
As I listening to him, I could tell the reason why he was saying those things was from heartbreak.
It's absolutely funny how heartbreak can change everything.
It changes how you think, feel, things you do.
The common thing heartbreak does to people is the lack of trust in other people.
But what I learned from this guy, and what he learned from heartbreak is that there is more to life than love.
WE ALL WANT LOVE. We have this mindset of what we want, but we can never find it because we are expecting too much.
But when we don't expect it at all, it could be something absolutely incredible or nothing at all.
Anyways, what I'm trying to say is we as humans can live life without love.
Of course we will feel a little emptiness in our hearts and feel like we are missing something,
BUT not having love doesn't keep away from happiness.
We learn alot from love, but that's only a small portion we experience in our life.
There is alot in life besides love.
We need to, let me rephrase, I need to accept that love is something I shouldn't always be trying to find.

Looking back at my posts, looking back at my past...
I had forgotten what love and being with someone felt like.
It sounds amazing.
Its hard to want it back so bad when you remember why you left it.
When you loose love, your hearts aches.
Once your cut so deep it takes a LONG time to heal.
During the healing, you forget and start from scratch.
Starting from scratch is pretty scary because what comes along with it,
Are trust issues. When I started this blog my questions was HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S LOVE?
now my question is, HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S REAL?
I've had my experienced getting to know one an other, but I always have doubt.
I hate feeling of doubt, so I believe and tell myself it's real.
But the thought of it being real, creates fear.
Fear of getting my heartbroken again, fear of forgetting of how to love again.
I wish I could just trust that one person so I won't feel fear.
Because like the bible says, "There is no fear in love."

Learning from love teaches you alot, matures you alot, shapes you to who you will be in the future.
Always know that failing in love is not an option, because everyone is surrounded by love.
It doesn't always have to be the love everyone is looking for with a significant other.
Learn from love, "never a failure always a lesson."

YOU, yes you.
You don't know how to end, closure, you pretend.
No more pretending.
I'm not waiting around for you anymore
So you can be a manwhore.
Do you.
Your good at making me think your bullshit was real.
BYE.
forREAL.

I've opened up to you fast,
I will be hurt if it doesn't last,
I've already said so much in a day,
I still have more to say.
I hope it's not too much,
But I just think you could be the one.

I am standing,
there is no one,
there is no one to hold my hand.

I am sitting,just waiting,
for a miracle to happen.

Do you like that I suffer?
Having nothing to depend on.
Its just me, standing alone.

I want you to watch me rise.
I want you to see that I can do it.
I know I have to start from the bottom to get to the top.

I want you to watch me rise.
I want you to see I am brave.
Brave enough without you.

Cure

I hate the feeling of missing.
It's like my heart isn't listening.
It's dismissing.
I feel like I am missing.

My life is great, but there is somethings I don't appreciate.
Because I am missing a certain something.
My thoughts are jumbled.
And my words are mumbled.
There is no cure.
Unless I have pure.
Pure love from Honey.
Honey Bunny.
Honey Bear.

It's undefined how I am so attached.
She is my patch.
To my broken heart.
Without her.
There is no cure.

im just a girl whose trying to figure out who i am
i am on a path that i have not yet discovered
i am going somewhere new with my life and i have no idea where its going to take me next
i hope along the way i find someone who will treat me right
no stress, no fights
im ready to be committed
i have never done such a rare thing
now a days, commitment is beautiful.
rare is beautiful.
rare is rare.
rare is a trait i carry, because my options varies.
pick and choose. i pick they loose.
take over and find me because im still trying to find myself.
take over and love me and care for me, so i can stop being there just for myself.
but for you too.
fate will take over, and soon it will just be us two.

Sitting quitely
thinking to myself, the question of who i want to be?
wheres the other half of me
I want to be set free
and feel the feeling above the world
once i had to see
that boy i was with wasn't right for me

Trying to recover
from the hurt you appeared over
i can never look at guys the same
i just assume they are trying to spit game.

can someone be different
and show me the way
of finding another
because i give up
find me, significant other.

My feelings for finding someone.
There is a positive and negative view.
To stay strong, i stay on the positive side.
But hearing the songs and stories of love makes me want to go back to what I once I had.
Back to what I thought I once had.
That boy, i fell for bad.
It hard to find someone else when you have a certain specific idea of what you want.
Once you havent found that certain idea, you go back to what you once had because thats all your stuck with.
Thats what I am stuck with.
I need to open up, which I am learning to do.

Heartbeat, heartbreak
How much more can I take?
Love lost, love found
I need you to be around.
Through the days,
My feeling fade away.
Sunshine arrives again,
When a new you I must attend.

You just put me in the worst moods,
You don't even matter to me.
It's just since we didn't have closure
I'm left thinking and wondering.

I have a strong heart that's ready to be loved.
I have a weak heart that wants love.
I miss the feeling of being someone's cloud 9, happy, and up above.
I am just one.
I have no other dove.