DECEMBER 21ST, 2009

Thats the day I started this blog. My journey of my heartbreaks and love. its about to be 4 years...... but yet when i write on here I still feel completely the same as I did when I first wrote Dec. 21st, 2009. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing, but I'm going to consider it Bad. Damn.

I AM A HOPELESS ROMANTIC

I admit it. I, Kiara Gaulding am a Hopeless Romantic. i never really knew what it was until I told this guy, "I guess you can say I am a hopeless romantic." He had no idea what a hopeless romantic really was so he looked it up on google and read it aloud. Word from word, sentence to sentence the definition clearly defined my love life and how my perspective of love is. Its stupid. To sum it up, in his words, ' I wear my heart on my sleeve.' side not, just a couple days before that i posted on twitter 'I wear my heart on my sleeve! Happy Tuesday!' oh love...why must i care and search for you.

The Game

The Game. let me tell you bout the game. it will never end. even if your in a relationship. tests, teasing, the pain, the hurt. its all recycled by the one or anyone. if you do something bad, they’ll repeat it to show you how it feels. they want you to feel what they were feeling. and so on. and on. and on. and on. until you will have nothing. & then you consider yourself a hopeless romantic imagining life as if your dreams.. as if your dreams will soon be reality. thinking as yourself as heartless, you will be heartless. being negative is not seeing the grass on the other side. the game is a hole & the more you play, the more your digging yourself into the hole. how to get yourself out of the hole? thats easy. DONT CARE ABOUT LOVE. being in it, finding someone, dreaming about it, tumbling about it. cause thats giving yourself hope. aka ‘hopeless romantic’. not caring huh? that easy huh? thats probably the most difficult advice I’ve ever given to you. or it just me?

The life I live is motivation to where I want to be.
No traffic along the way.
But everyone you love following you and supporting you along the
Way gets stuck behind?
I get lonely being ahead.
Wishing I could slow down, but when I try to catch up they stop.
They want to find their own way and face the traffic alone.
You can only learn from your mistakes.
Experience makes perfect.
Never a failure, always a lesson.
I

The new year is coming around and I still have no love to be found.
2009,2010,2011, now 2012...............I'm speechless.

It is quite sad how I have no one to talk to about love but my blog.
I just want someone to listen, to care what they Are listening about.
Or act like they care.

One day.
Like I always say.

Confession

YES. I am emotionally damaged, but yet I still believe in true love.
I tell myself 'one day' It will be just like the movies.
Of course I deny love all the time because ... Well I am emotionally damaged.
Haha I don't really know the reason, but that's the genereal idea of why my reason is.
I want love so bad it makes want to cry. I hate waiting I just want it too happen.
I see a boy I think is cute I just want him to be the one.
But it's not like that. He has to be my friend first, bestfriend.
That's easy all my guys are friends.
I want someone I can call anytime, or send just call to tell them something the moment it happens because they are the first person I want to tell.
Yup; I admit I am a hopeless romantic. I want it to be just like the movies.
Something is wrong with me, but all I can do is be happy with my life now.
And be even happier when my life becomes a movie, if that will ever happen.
You see, I'm always second best. I make myself second best. I do this to myself.
That's my fault and I know it's wrong, but that's how I learn, the hard way.
I set myself up for heartbreak when that's the thing I try to avoid but yet I know how to get thru the cracks.
I'm something aren't I?
Who wants to deal with this? I expect so much but want so little.
The feeling of love.
Corny..yes.